Inarticulate.

grimm-times:

2amsugarrush:

2amsugarrush:

cuddling with dead bodies (◡‿◡✿)

DEREK CUDDLING WITH STILES’ DEAD BODY BECAUSE HE’S IN DENIAL (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

DEREK WHISPERING SWEET THINGS AND HOLDING STILES’ HANDS AFTER HE STOPPED BREATHING (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

{tw: major character death}

It’s not real.

It’s not real when Derek crawls on his stomach, trailing broken legs behind him, and puts his head on Stiles’ chest. He pretends that his heartbeat is Stiles’, that it hasn’t stopped, that his half open eyes and parted lips are because he’s paused in the middle of a long speech and is planning his next rush of words, like he so often does. Derek curls his arms under his boy, ignoring the pool of blood he drags his fingers through, ignoring the way Stiles’ body is light because part of it’s missing. There’s a part of Derek missing too, deep inside him, but he refuses to acknowledge it. 

It’s not real when Scott comes wailing out of whatever wall he’d been thrown through. He screams at Derek, kicks him in the ribs, but Derek tucks his head under Stiles’ chin and closes his eyes. He mumbles I love you under his breath while hands pull at him, but he won’t let go. I love you. I’ve always loved you. He doesn’t let go until Boyd smacks him across the back of the head with a piece of timber and even then, Erica tells him later, they nearly had to break his fingers to uncurl them. 

It’s not real at the funeral, which he was explicitly not invited to, but he shows up anyway, because it’s a punishment that he deserves. The wooden box they carry down the aisle doesn’t smell like Stiles; it smells like cedar and chemicals. He watches tears running down Scott’s young face as he helps shoulder the coffin, and all he can think about is how Laura didn’t get a funeral. Even if she had, Derek would have been the only pallbearer. 

It’s not real until he goes to the Stilinski house late at night and tries to climb through Stiles’ window and it’s locked. He stares through the glass and his hands start to shake. The window was never locked when Stiles was there, always an open invitation. He never had to ask because he was never unwanted. 

All the fight leaves him. He turns from the window and he’s so vacant and graceless that he slips. He hits about twenty branches on his way down the tree and when he hits the ground it’s flat on his back and something snaps. He has to lay there all night, taunted by the light on in Stiles’ room. It’s where the sheriff finds him the next morning, shaking with cold from the dew, and there’s no anger in his voice, just pity and sadness when he says, “Don’t ever come back here.”

Derek goes home and stands in the entryway of the house Stiles was helping him rebuild. He looks at the half-finished staircase, where only a week ago Stiles pushed him down and put his face between his thighs and sucked him dry. He thinks he sees Stiles’ ghost in the backyard, laughing with Laura and his parents and everyone he’s ever lost, and Derek gets into his car and drives away and he never, ever comes back.